Up front; this MMM is a bit negative because I felt like I just wanted to tell you guys a bit more about how I felt lately. And since last week contained a lot of ‘bad’ days for me.. well, obviously it’ll pop up then in this weekly journal article, lol. But aside from feeling bad, I had definitely some highlights in my week as well. Let me tell you about how last week was for me..
As I will tell you below when I get to the blogging part and about not being able to write anything at the moment; ever since being back from vacation my depression has gotten worse and I’m just feeling crap most of the time now so really; that sucks. I try to stay positive and keep doing fun stuff with the family and such, but sometimes it also feels good to just ‘get it off your chest’, you know what I mean?
So last week was a busy week – it’s Milan’s second week of vacation – and I’m just not getting into the rhythm of having him home all the time, lol. My energy levels are depleted so I’m just in surviving mode at the moment and I guess it’ll stay that way, at least until Milan’s back at school again – which won’t be for another 4 weeks now, yikes. My panic attacks and ‘down-moods’ are worsening by the day so I decided that it just can’t go on like this any longer because I don’t want to feel unhappy while I have so much to be thankful for in my life and I just know I could be better because this just isn’t me anymore.
I made an appointment with my doctor for upcoming Tuesday to get a new referral to go to a psychologist and I want to talk about my meds. At the time when I started taking them they were helpful to me.. But now we’re 2 years further and I just feel like crap all the time. I experience a lot of side effects unfortunately – I’m physically sick almost every day and that just sucks. And I just don’t feel like they’re doing me any good anymore so I think it’s time to say goodbye to the meds. But in order to do that I definitely have to see a psychologist as well. So I’ve decided to take a step towards a hopefully brighter future in which I can make myself feel happy again – at the moment I’m filling my Bullet Journal with some spreads that’ll hopefully help me realize this for me as well. And now; enough of this depression and on to the more fun stuff haha.. Normally I don’t write a lot about my depression but I just felt like doing it, so yeah… Sorry 😉
Since we bought Milan his first soccer shoes last week, hubby ordered two uniforms of a well known soccer club here in the Netherlands, Ajax, as well, so Milan could go playing soccer in style. Lol – typical boy/guy stuff, right? 😉. But I have to say.. Milan looks adooorable in his uniforms and seeing him wearing it and his soccer shoes makes me realize how freaking fast time flies by, damn. He’s turning 5 in February and he’s just growing up so fast, sigh – all the cliches are true haha. As soon as the weekend kicked in, we went outside so Luciën and Milan could go play soccer and I could read some and make some pictures.
I’m experiencing a bit fat slump – in general. Reading isn’t going as well either, but blogging at the moment… just ugh 🙁 Ever since we’re back from vacation my depression has worsened and me being a HSP’er -High Sensitive Person – makes it even worse because my concentration isn’t all that best to begin with. So I’m completely f*cked up at the moment haha. At first it started with me not being able to write any reviews but it extended to me not being able to finish any article at all and I’m really bummed out about it.
But I know it won’t last either so I just keep trying to write down stuff whenever I feel like and try to have peace with the fact there isn’t anything going online on the blog. Maybe I have to focus myself on the translation stuff so I don’t have to concentrate much on writing new stuff. On Thursday I wrote my tbr thursday article, but the rest of the week I wasn’t able to finish and publish anything. The few articles that went online on Monday, Tuesday and Sunday were articles I thankfully already finished before my slump kicked in.
Normally I try to actively read and leaving comments to fellow bloggers, but this week it’s just too much so sorry if you haven’t seen me around much. But I promise, I’ll make up for it xD
I just hope my slump is ready to disappear now and I can go back ‘to normal’ asap haha. Instead of blogging I’m busy drawing/writing in my Bullet Journal which brings me some peace of mind.
Music is a big part of my life and there isn’t a day flashing by in which I don’t listen to any music. Last week was a week full of repeats haha and I kept listening to most of the songs down below on repeat instead of exploring new music. Soo, this was what I was listening to mostly last week:
- Nickelback – Gotta be Somebody
- Nickelback – Lullaby
- One Direction – 18
- One Direction – Love You Goodbye
- the Script – Six degrees of separation
- the Script – Never seen anything quite like you
This is always a fun part to write, lol. Starting with the Stacking the Shelves part; making a summary of the books I’ve added to the collection. You probably saw them coming by in yesterday’s BOOKHAUL article, but here we go again.. Last week’s haul:
- Lucky in Love by Kasie West
- Hard as you Can by Laura Kaye (#2 Hard Ink)
- Hard to be Good by Laura Kaye (#3.5 Hard Ink)
- Hard to Let go by Laura Kaye (#4 Hard Ink)
- Hard ever After by Laura Kaye (#4.6 Hard Ink)
I’ve read the Hard Ink series last year and fell in love with Laura’s writing. I loveeee these books so much and wanted to add the physical books to the collection as well. I already had several of the books on the shelves and came across these 4 – 2 full length books and 2 novella’s – on bol.com for a really awesome price so I just had to buy them! Now I only have to buy 1 book and the collection is complete, yay! If you like adult romance in combination with some really sexy EX-navy seals, an exciting story-line and amazing writing this series is definitely worth buying/reading! I also adore the spin-off series of this one, Haven Riders!
And regarding my read books; I haven’t read much last week because I was having trouble concentrating and just couldn’t get into reading. I’ve started several books after finishing Empire of Storms at the beginning of the week, but ended up putting them down. When Lucky in Love by Kasie West came in I decided to give that one a go. And because it was such a light and adorable read I succeeded in finishing this book, yay! I have to read some books for blogtours and/or reviewing but at the moment it’s just so hard to get myself to read anything so I just read what fits my mood at the moment. So instead of starting a book I got to review, I’ve started another one I got a couple of months ago; The evaporation of Sofi Snow by Mary Weber – the author of the Storm Siren trilogy. So far, so good.. I like the setting of the book, it’s really awesome and the story-line is getting really exciting as well so I’m really curious to see where the story will go from here on. I definitely don’t read as much and fast as I normally do, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m able to enjoy this book now instead of constantly having to put books down because I can’t concentrate on them.
So yeah, it was a turbulent week for me this past week and I’m still having trouble with reading and blogging but I won’t pressure myself so we’ll see how everything will go this week. I’m currently enjoying filling up my bullet journal which is perfect to be doing to get my ‘mind clear’ so I’ll be focusing on that a bit more this week.
How has your week been? Love to hear from you!